- We have to have known each other since I was eighteen years old
- You have to have given me a surprise baby shower
- Since I am an only child, you have to be willing to be my child's aunt
- You have to love my parents
- You have to have red hair
- You have to have worn "hot" pants in the day
- You have to have left gallons of paint on the trunk of your cars to shortly splatter all over the road and your car
- You have to have been stopped by the police while extremely pregnant and having several of your small children in tow
- You have to subsequently have made the police feel so sorry for you that they couldn't wait to get rid of you
- You have to have been attacked by a frog in your car
- You have to be a member of an incredible family that adores you
- You have to be one of five sisters
- You have to have accidently gone into the men's shower while on vacation
- Not to mention that you have to have accidently gone to the men's restroom on another occasion (do we see a pattern here?)
- You have to be "slightly" accident prone
- You have to have broken bones in the past
- You have to be highly competitive and not like to lose
- You have to love to play games
- You have to be beautiful - inside and outside
- You have to have a doll named Pretty Patience
- You have to be an incredible hostess - even though your days of procrastinating until the last minute used to drive me crazy
- You have to be a girl born in Michigan
- You have to be someone who nervously yacked during a bank robbery
- You have to be someone that turned over their desk chair and fell backwards in front of a male customer
- You have to be a person who has great decorating style
- You have to be incredibly smart
- You have to be someone who would take on security at Miami International Airport on July 4 in order to get me to the hospital to see my father before he died
- You have to be someone who can make delicious raisin pie
- You have to be the mother of five children who are all now admirable adults
- You have to be someone who always gets up and makes breakfast for their husband
- You have to be someone that won't drink "sweet" tea
- You have to be someone that dozes off unless they have had their coffee
- You have to be someone that once ran for public office
- Subsequently, you have to be someone whose political sign blew off their car on a multi-lane extremely busy road
- You have to be someone who can pull off the impossible at the drop of a hat
- You have to be someone that hated turning fifty
- You have to be an expert wallpaper hanger
- You have to be someone that loves me in spite of myself
- You have to be someone that has seen me with no makeup and wasn't scared
- You have to be someone that always knows how to make me feel better
- You have to be someone that I will love forever and ever
As you can read, it takes quite a special person to meet all of these qualifications. It is not an easy job, and hopefully (for her) there are some benefits reciprocated. My best friend is quite a special person, and I am so glad she applied for and accepted the job. She has changed my life forever, and I am a better person because she is my friend.
And, to my best friend, thanks for being the best friend in the world.
